Most parents may be difficult, but sometimes it can lead to bad relationship between parents and their children. One of the most common problems in every family is the narcissism of parents or between siblings. If you have a narcissistic mother or sister, it can be a real nightmare. What can you do if your mother is narcissistic? Or if your sister is narcissistic as well?
In this article we will tell you how to deal with a narcissistic mother or sister. We are sure that your life will be much easier after reading this article.
Narcissism in the Family
A narcissistic mother needs her children to feed her own ego. She wants to have someone who will do everything she says without any question.
We all know that it is normal for children to separate from their parents in a certain moment. But, it is very difficult to tell it to a parent who is narcissistic. Narcissistic parents believe their children will always serve them and fulfill their needs. A narcissistic parent will not treat you as an independent person even when you get married and move out from the house.
Even then narcissistic parents will want you to live according to their rules. They will probably call you several times a day and they will be coming to your house unannounced.
Narcissistic parents will also discuss their private problems in front of you. They will tell you some private matters that you don’t need to know and they will want you to say who is right.
Remember that a narcissistic parent will want to have your attention at any time. They will often act vulnerable and helpless, just to get what they want. This way they want to attract the attention of their children.
In families with two or more children, one of them is usually selected to be controlled by parents. This one is usually a child with high expectations and parents will try to control and create a life of that child.
You may also have a narcissistic brother or sister. If your sister has been selfish, demanding and competitive during your childhood, it means that she is narcissistic. During all this time, your parents may have considered that your sister has been just fine or even better than you.
You may have experienced that your parents didn’t prize your creativity, kindness, beauty and other qualities. Maybe your narcissistic sister was the one who had a support from your parents. If you had this experience in your childhood, it must have been very painful for you.
What to Do if You Have a Narcissistic Mother or Sister?
If you also have a narcissistic mother or sister, most important is to preserve your own identity and integrity. Remember that you need to live your own life.
Recognize Their Behavior As Abnormal. It is very important to recognize if your mother or your sister have a narcissistic personality disorder. Your mother may be appreciating only her own opinions and you have to do whatever she wants. A narcissistic mother wants to create your life and take decisions instead of you. If you have a similar case with your mother, it means that she is narcissistic. If your sister is selfish and if she has a lack of apathy, it means also that she is narcissistic, as we have already mentioned above.
Love Yourself. One of the most important things when you are learning how to deal with a narcissistic mother or sister is also to learn to love yourself. You should learn to appreciate your own talents and personal traits.
Listen to Them. It is difficult to avoid listening to your mother or sister when they are giving you advice. It is best to say them that you will take in consideration their opinions but that you will make a decision your own. Later you can say them what you have decided.
Set Boundaries. If your narcissistic mother or sister are coming in your house unannounced and if it happens too often, you should tell them that you are busy or that you have already planned something else.
Although they are your family members, they have to respect your time and your life. If they call you too often, you can turn on a voice mail and call them later when you are free. Remember that you don’t have to be there at any time.
Save Your Secrets. Remember that it is not necessary to share your own secrets with your narcissistic mother or sister. They don’t have to know all details from your life. If they know too much, they will always be trying to give you advice or to express anxiety about the things they don’t approve.
Many Friends Will Not Understand You. If you have a narcissistic mother or sister, you have to realize that your friends might not understand how you are feeling. They will probably tell you that the mother is only one and that you have to do whatever she says. Because of that you may feel guilty because you are keeping your parent or your sister at a distance. But, remember that it would not be the case if your mother and sister were not narcissistic.
If a child is raised by a narcissistic mother, this child is more likely to become narcissistic as well. Also, remember that a narcissistic mother may become a narcissistic grandmother when you get children. It doesn’t mean that you should separate your children from their grandmother or their aunt, but just be careful. Don’t let your mother or your sister send your child some wrong messages.
It is impossible to change anyone. Also, you can’t change the relationship between other people. You can only set some limits and live your life according to your own rules. As we have already said, you should not let your mother or your sister control your emotions and your life.
If you have a narcissistic mother or sister, you should know that you are not alone. Many people have the same experience and it is important to learn how to cope with them. There are many support groups and people who can share their stories with you. If you have a friend who has a narcissistic mother or sister, just be patient and listen to your friend with sympathy. You should support your friend and encourage him to protect his own personality.
If your mother and sister are narcissistic, remember that it is their psychological problem, not yours. Most important is to protect yourself from narcissistic mother, sister or some other family member who has this psychological disorder.